If you find a naked dead woman chained to a gurney under plastic sheeting anywhere abandoned, don’t have sex with her. That naked lady is there for a reason and it’s never a good one.
She hasn’t been waiting for her Anthony Michael Hall.
If you discover a space lady all alone and naked on a derelict ship and have sex with her, she will lay her her eggs all over your ship and/or feed herself and her young your crewmates’ blood or lifeforce
keeping you alive just long enough to get to your planet and proliferate on earth.
Stay away from space ladies even when they are not under plastic sheeting.
Also, do not sleep with insect women. You’re not compatible.
If you’re travelling through the woods at night and meet a beautiful and mysterious lady wearing fashions from several hundred years ago and she asks you to come back to her mysteriously preserved palace, don’t stay the night, don’t sleep with her and, for God’s sake, don’t move in.
If you do, don’t be surprised when you discover her house is rotted and abandoned and she’s been dead for 200 years.
The next thing you know, you’re re-enacting some old murder-suicide between star-crossed lovers. You can rationalize all you want; it doesn’t work with dead girls.
(This post originally appeared in a slightly different form at the Toronto International Film Festival’s official Midnight Madness Programme Blog on Sep. 6, 2008 before the premiere of Deadgirl (2008), a film about two teenage boys who discover an undead woman chained to a gurney in an abandoned hospital).